So it’s been a while, but I’m back! I read several blogs before I started and read how easy it is to fall off and I thought okay but that won’t be me. Hence why it is 11 whole months since my last post! I have thought time and time again about what to do with this blog, make it public, keep it anonymous or, lock it off. However, the whole point of this was a type of diary cleanse and to share my story so that someone who shared similar experiences or felt alone knew there was hope.
A few weeks ago my bestie tasked me with writing a testimony for her page, and to be honest I was flattered but scared. As I have stated this blog was meant to be anonymous. You see it would surprise many to know I am an introvert so as an introvert I like to keep my business my business. As I stated initially this blog was anonymous. It was so personal that I didn’t want anyone to know it was me. I told a handful of people, literally five, and to be honest hoped they would get bored and forget about it. Writing was my therapy, but with three kids, a full-time job and a business to run, it’s kind of hard to be consistent and deliver exactly what I want for the blog.
But in all honesty the biggest reason for anonymity was JUDGEMENT. I like to think I don’t care what people think or would say but the truth be told is, I do. People had a lot to say when I had my first child, they had a lot to say when I was getting married, they had a lot to say when I had my next child, when I was getting divorced there was SILENCE! This judgement was deafening because the judgement was behind my back and this is why I became silent myself.
I am also wholeheartedly a believer in moving on! “The past is a foreign country”= L.P. Hartley (The Go-Between) My A-Level English Lit teacher would be proud I remembered that! But for real, why dwell on shit that has happened? If you want to be happy, move on, let it go! That’s the way I have always seen things, it’s what keeps a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye! I also believe God will deal with them, so why rush karma, let them carry on in their foolishness! These are the rules I live by and they allow any shit circumstances I may have endured to roll off my back.
It is also really shit being a statistic! You feel growing up you want to learn from your parents mistakes, at least I did! I didn’t enjoy being from a single-parent family, I remember lying one time that my dad was dead so I could explain his absence and so I knew I definitely didn’t want that for my children. But here I am a black, single mother but hey I was married, now just divorced! WINNING! (sarcasm dripping) However, I am winning. I have a degree, I have a full-time job, I have a roof over my head, I started my own business, which I daresay is doing quite well (brush shoulders) and most importantly I have these beautiful healthy children. Is life perfect? Far from it, but whose is? But this is the reason for my blog to offer hope to any woman in my position or similar. I was separated, then divorced with three children by the time I was 30! I am a survivor of domestic violence. I am a survivor of extreme postnatal depression.
I may not be an expert but I have my story to tell that I pray helps someone. My blog False Starts Joyful Endings is a page of hope. Women should not feel ashamed to share their past for fear of judgement from both women and men.
I believe a joyful ending is possible as a single mother, as the man meant for you will not look at your past with judgement but see the spirit of your future. For the stigma of single parenthood and divorce to start to be erased.
As a mother of three looking for love is a minefield, but if I was father of three the situation would be so different. Why is that? Is it a cultural thing? I do see white women with children easily dating and moving on or so it appears. This blog will take you through my journey, the ups, the downs and hopefully amusing highlights of dating whilst black, divorced and with children! Enjoy!
“Survival empowers, it does not confine”- Sarah Jakes Roberts
False Starts & Joyful Endings 