The first fuckup

Wow I cannot believe it has been nearly two weeks since my first post! Sorry! I really need to get used to being consistent in my posting but life sometimes gets in the way. Anyway, I guess I will continue where I left off.

Expectations can either make you or break you! In my case they broke me and this led to my first false start! I called it a fuck up not a regret because at the end of the day you live and you learn- most of the time, in my case it is very questionable!

I dropped a grade in my A levels okay maybe it was two. So I ended up not going to the University I had my heart set on. I ended up going through Clearing and chose a University completely based on ranking so ironic considering what I now do! I had always planned on staying in London, it’s where I knew and loved and studying Law in London was obviously a smart choice, at least that is what I thought! (Oh to be 18 again!)

My first week was awful. I didn’t visit the campus beforehand- you know attend an Open Day (it wasn’t one of my choices!) So when I received my timetable and saw I literally had 9:00am lectures everyday! Waking up at 6am everyday to endure 2 hours of Constitutional Law or The Law of Tort was painful, I was so sad for myself. I wasn’t staying on campus so the commute was also LONG!  I knew no one and the Campus was just so big and daunting! I had just spent 7 years in boarding doing the same routine with the same friends and teachers who knew me inside out and now I was expected to fend for myself,  make new friends, and learn about a subject extremely cumbersome and difficult! Looking back it was a huge decision! Sometimes I feel to big for an 18 year old to have to figure out. To cut a long story short- I dropped out! Did I regret it hell no! But I did feel majorly guilty! My mum had spent so much money and time for me to have a private education, wanting me to make something of myself and here I was throwing it in her face!

So I took some time out and decided University was definitely still for me but I would look elsewhere, do a bit more research next time! (See I was learning!) So the next year, being the glutton for punishment I am I joined another university and decided to still do Law! SMDH

Noooowwww this experience was completely different! This time making friends was not as issue, I got myself a boyfriend, I started going out, having fun, a little too much fun, to the point where my studies came second to my own personal enjoyment of student life. 1st year exams came around and I knew I was not going to do well, what did I expect, so knew then I had to make a choice and decide if doing something I wasn’t at all passionate about but that would make my mum happy was the way to go. I decided to drop out again and take a year out. This probably should have been what I should have done in the first place but the pressure of everyone doing the same thing pushed me to follow a path I didn’t necessarily want.

OKAY! I’m now officially a dosser! Can you imagine! So I started working in retail full time, I had part time jobs during my studies, and I ended up working in a number of different shops most of the time hating it! I was not cut out to stand for 8 hours and pretend to be happy whilst other are spending money I didn’t have on clothes I couldn’t afford!

So it was during this period of uncertainty shall I call it, that one fateful day I was on the bus on my way home and got talking to a man who was going to change the course of my life forever.